She Believed She Could, So She Did

For those of you who have stumbled upon this post or intentionally found it, I want to preface it by saying that I am allowing myself to be vulnerable by providing the information that I will share. There will be a lot of thoughts, many that might not even make sense or flow together well, but they are real and they are raw. My hope by sharing this information is that I can inspire maybe at least one individual who relates to what I’m sharing, to change their lifestyle for the better. We are all humans and we all are worth it. So, here’s the beginning of my lifestyle change story.

I’m a 31 year old mother with a full time desk job. Growing up I didn’t worry much about weight because I was involved in cheerleading and that kept me pretty active. I do recall a year or two where I went through a phase of eating bare minimum to stay thin, though. Looking back now, I looked anorexic and in one of my high school prom photos, you can even see my ribs. That’s not healthy, y’all. When I had my daughter, my body changed and I didn’t do a very good job of taking care of it. Frankly, I craved food when I should’ve craved more of God. If I was stressed, I ate. When I was bored, I ate. When I was thirsty, I ate. When I was, you fill in the blank.. I ate. That is what has led me here.

You see, I’ve been a yo-yo dieter and a Weight Watchers member for years now through my employer. It’s a benefit they offer to meet requirements for our health insurance that I enjoy and have seen success with; however, I would lose some to meet my requirement but then gain it back plus some when the series was over. The past couple of years I have struggled on many levels. Emotionally, physically, and mentally. I found myself having trouble taking deep breaths or constantly feeling the need to yawn and being unable to. I have struggled with anxiety when I couldn’t even explain why. I found myself wanting to isolate from those around me and there were moments when all I could do was cry. These feelings of anxiety were all new to me and at times, they are still very scary. I fight insecurities that no one should battle. I couldn’t stand the person I saw looking back at me in a mirror. I would buy bigger clothes or fuss about not fitting in my clothes while I filled my body with trash. Last summer I picked up running again but I didn’t stick with it after that last 5K. I was a member of a gym that I very rarely, if at all, used. I was intimidated, embarrassed, and lacked motivation to walk through those doors. I was in a rut with no real sign of things changing.

A little over two weeks ago, I finally had enough. I stepped on the scale and sobbed. I was literally at the highest weight I had ever been. It stung, it hurt, it was a wake up call. I reached a point where something inside me fueled a motivation to change. After all, if I didn’t change my habits then I’d continue to stay in that rut and who wants to live in a rut the rest of their life? I don’t. My daughter is ten years young and I want to be able to walk and play with her without feeling like I am going to topple over at any given moment. She is my motivation, along with myself. For once, I deep down want better for myself for ME and not for someone or something else. My mindset has changed, I am worth it.

What changes am I making since having that come to Jesus moment with myself? I am a member of the Weight Watchers program again. Only this time, it’s for me and not for my employer or the health insurance discount. I also had been eyeing this program that was being offered that I saw on Facebook and after much thought and going back and forth, I took the initiative and took a huge, and I mean HUGE, step out of my comfort zone. I joined a program called Raise the Bar through a local gym community for moms called Burn Bootcamp.

Remember, I had a gym membership before that I never used and didn’t want to use. If I’m being completely honest, the whole drive there to sign up I found myself trying to talk myself out of doing it. Picture the two little angels on your shoulders, one good and one bad. It was like I kept going back and forth on why I should or shouldn’t go. I pulled in and saw a lot of people inside. I almost turned around and went home. I didn’t though. I parked my car, took a deep breath, and told myself “you can do this.” Y’all, I did it. I walked in, looking like the new kid on the first day of school, and was immediately greeted by one of the head trainers, Tre. I got signed up, got my girl checked into the childcare, and I stepped foot on the (at the time) intimidating black mat. That day changed my life.

I began talking to other moms who were there and they all, every single one of them, were encouraging. Burn Bootcamp is a gym for moms and that alone was a huge comfort for me. There are moms there of all shapes, sizes, and colors. The diversity is wonderful and I didn’t feel intimidated like I had in other gyms. The class began and it literally was the hardest thing I had done in my life in a long time (besides child birth, and taking that first step into the building). It kicked my tail but in such a good way. A little over two weeks into starting and I crave for more. The community of moms in our boot camp classes are extraordinary. They are so encouraging, motivating, and supportive. They push you when you feel like you have not one single ounce left in you. The trainers, Stefanie and Tre are such an inspiration. They will get right there alongside you and chant “you’ve got this” or “keep pushing” and there is just something about that positive push that is addictive and supportive. Just yesterday, our finisher was 100 lunges. My legs were noodles by this point, I didn’t think I could do one more lunge. I thought my legs were going to give out from under me and I was gonna fall out. The entire class had finished theirs and didn’t pick up their things to leave. They encouraged, chanted, clapped, and supported me while I struggled to finish mine. Something about that fueled me to fight a little harder and I was able to finish the last few faster and stronger than the 90 some before that. I did it, I was getting high fives, and encouragement from my fellow moms and workout gals. They are my tribe. I could barely walk this morning but I got back in there for yet another class. This week I doubled the amount of classes I was doing two weeks ago and I felt disgusting when I didn’t go. THIS is what I have longed for in regards to fitness and tried to find, I am so glad that I have finally found it within the Burn community of moms.

I am nowhere close to where I want to be but each day I am closer than I was the day before. I am becoming addicted to my Burn tribe and I get excited to see the familiar faces each class. I’m learning more and more about eating healthier and cleaner, my Weight Watcher meetings are so inspiring and encouraging and I love my Tuesday morning members and leaders. It won’t always be glitter and unicorns in this lifestyle journey but I am building friendships, accountability, self motivation, and focus that I haven’t had before. It’s exciting and I just had to share it with you all.

If this post has reached something down in you where you relate or feel like you are in a rut with no signs of anything changing, I would love to chat with you. You are worth eating healthier, you are worth getting in fitness, you are worth it. We are only given one body and it’s not what society says it is, it’s what we say it is and what God intended it to be. What are you saying your body is? Whatever it is you set your mind to, believe it and you will achieve it. The journey might seem long but focus on short term goals. Heck, my first goal was just walking through the door frame. I killed it! What short term goal can you make today that will forever and positively change your lifestyle? Whatever it may be, go do it.

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